最近刚换了新的工作环境，一眨眼也就五个月了。很多时候我都一直在问自己，这个决定是不是太仓促了，然后再用一百个理由说服自己，不要再回头。陌生的环境，不熟悉的人事，不太习惯的作风，不太适应的文化，我好像一直都在默默吞苦水，然后不断的安慰自己，这只是因为我还没调适好自己。可是往往当我很深入了解自己内心深处的想法时，我不免怀疑自己的选择，开始觉很空虚，顿时失去方向感。常有种幻觉：自己就漂浮在海中央，人海浪拍打，没有定位的四处漂流。
踏入人生第二十八个年头，我开始觉得我的人生是场恐怖片，永远猜不到下一幕的剧情，每次就坦然地接受再应对突如其来的变化。我不想太早作结论，可是我不是一个好编剧，我不知道故事中的主角到底想要什么，只能用“平平无奇”两字来形容她现有的人生。除了工作，人生好像都没有什么精彩的故事，也很难激起她的adrenaline，更贴切的只能说在“混日子”，因为她真的不知道自己到底想要的是什么。她清楚地知道不可以继续这样颓废、糜烂下去，青春期也都快被她耗尽了，然而身上好像住着千千万万的懒虫，侵蚀她的每一个器官。
我不知道有没有程咬金会在半路上扭转这个局面，不管是好的还是坏的至少可以突破她的盲点。这样子的浑浑噩噩真的让人很有罪恶感。虽然每天告诉自己工作很有意义，很神圣，可是每次到了夜深人静的时候开始审视自己，我一点都不开心，情绪也很不稳定，原来我每天都在靠着社交媒体不停的刷新版面，不停的偷窥别人生活，然后再不停的羡慕人家来逃避自己的问题，告诉自己我的人生很ok。我有很多的不知道，太多的不知道让我觉得太累了，我只想这样子再继续混下去，可是矛盾的是我不想完全失去本来那个可以很精彩可以很出色可以很出人头地的那个她。心里的交战不至于心力交瘁，但足以让我生活素质不理想，存不到happiness的deposit.
我到底想要什么，下一步要怎么走，我都没有答案。或许应该好好当人妻、人母，然后就这样？我知道我会不甘心。铁下心出走，留个学，考个学位回来吧！可是我没有勇气一走了之，也没有本事说服处的医院赞助我，更没有雄厚的家底支持我，所以想着想着，这个梦慢慢地被埋得很深很深。我生病了，还病得不轻，“迷茫”这个病很痛不欲生啊！突然就来首五月天的"顽固"吧。。。啊，当一个大人可以很轻松，可是当一个迷茫的大人是很累。治得了这病的也只有自己。我衷心希望自己快点走出这个迷宫，找到一个更明确的方向吧！
DREAM ON!!!
Sunday, September 2, 2018
Sunday, August 21, 2016
謝謝你 教會我什麼叫堅持
林李時代已去 大勢已不再 人生還是得走下去。
現實就是如此，我們往往抱著滿懷希望，期待著最好的結果，然後卻傷心地擁抱著殘酷。
不想 不願 也不服，可是又能怎樣。我們常說，往正面思考，這是哪個笨蛋發明自我安慰的心理？！哇靠，不開心不就不開心，什麼正能量、安慰的狗屁話就免了⋯⋯正視自己的負面情緒，然後適時的宣洩，罵一罵髒話，其實蠻爽的。對不起，離題⋯⋯
傷心了，失望了，路還是得走。時間不會因爲你的失敗而靜止，地球不會因為你的傷心而末日。面對挑戰，努力過，奮鬥過，跌倒過，那就很好，至少你是笑著接受挑戰。這是我從你身上學會的人生道理。不懈不怠，堅持到底，是你教會我的事。即使你不會再戰，即使歲月不饒人，你的精神永存，每一個被你影響的人都會延續你打不死的精神。是你讓我記住了，什麼是堅持；是你提醒我，人生沒有多少個十年，你會怎麼善用好好的十年。工作上的小挫折，真的算不上什麼，這些歷練帶來的是成長，淚水換來的是經驗，痛苦換來的是磨練。
謝謝你，提醒了我，我是打不死的阿欣。
李宗偉，一代宗師。您的時代已去，但必成佳話，永垂千古。我會學習您的精神，好好為自己的人生負責，加油！
現實就是如此，我們往往抱著滿懷希望，期待著最好的結果，然後卻傷心地擁抱著殘酷。
不想 不願 也不服，可是又能怎樣。我們常說，往正面思考，這是哪個笨蛋發明自我安慰的心理？！哇靠，不開心不就不開心，什麼正能量、安慰的狗屁話就免了⋯⋯正視自己的負面情緒，然後適時的宣洩，罵一罵髒話，其實蠻爽的。對不起，離題⋯⋯
傷心了，失望了，路還是得走。時間不會因爲你的失敗而靜止，地球不會因為你的傷心而末日。面對挑戰，努力過，奮鬥過，跌倒過，那就很好，至少你是笑著接受挑戰。這是我從你身上學會的人生道理。不懈不怠，堅持到底，是你教會我的事。即使你不會再戰，即使歲月不饒人，你的精神永存，每一個被你影響的人都會延續你打不死的精神。是你讓我記住了，什麼是堅持；是你提醒我，人生沒有多少個十年，你會怎麼善用好好的十年。工作上的小挫折，真的算不上什麼，這些歷練帶來的是成長，淚水換來的是經驗，痛苦換來的是磨練。
謝謝你，提醒了我，我是打不死的阿欣。
李宗偉，一代宗師。您的時代已去，但必成佳話，永垂千古。我會學習您的精神，好好為自己的人生負責，加油！
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Failure hits me Gao Gao
Well another time of ielts again. And again it sucks!!!! It was my third time and I don't feel alright. I'm sick of taking this stupid IELTs. It's the first time I felt so defeated and indeed lack of motivation to move on. I was once reckoned as a fantastic linguistic person. Language is always my strength. But why come to today, it is my killing factor for not getting my license. I feel so hopeless yet helpless. I know the only way is to keep taking till I pass but my heart is so weak. I hate failure. I hate English demolished me!!😫😫😫 my mom my sis my bf my friends all thought that I can pass easily but it turned out to be not. What happened??? What happened to me? What happened to this little lucky girl? What happened to this little undefeated cockcroach that has strong will and perseverance? I can't think of any reason or excuse. I'm just tired. If I'm not able to go through this, what to mention about studying overseas or further my study in UK or Australia? Who am I? Where should I suppose to be? Or maybe I don't belong to here? A lot of questions and negativity running in my mind. I'm frail I'm weak I'm stupid I'm just a normal silly girl that know nothing. I'm no longer an awesome talented girl that I knew before.
I need to reorganize my thoughts. Shut down and start over again. It's easier to say than do. I'm always paying lip service on my own life. But I ought to do something about it. Something to create a better me. A new me. A different me.
* I am still praying hard and waiting for a miracle to happen... 😪😯😯
I need to reorganize my thoughts. Shut down and start over again. It's easier to say than do. I'm always paying lip service on my own life. But I ought to do something about it. Something to create a better me. A new me. A different me.
* I am still praying hard and waiting for a miracle to happen... 😪😯😯
Monday, February 22, 2016
慢郎阿光
好久好久没有静静坐下来用文字发泄自己了。不好的是，我错过很多真实的感受，当下的情绪；好的是，人生忙得没有闲下来，无聊的吐两三个字。
刚刚才从ahbi sepang的家回到新加坡的窝，这个男人慢慢开始让我觉得越来越踏实。咳嗽都快咳出肺来晚上都没睡好下午还要带我到处乱晃的他，累得像条死鱼的他，还是信守他的承诺，陪我搭巴士回家。我口里猛说不，但心里甜到漏了。他妈的坚持让我第一次觉得他帅呆了。
或许一直都没人爱，现在的我好想好好的，深深地去爱。不管无常还是明天先到，至少我是狠狠的爱过。感恩生命中出现好多色彩，好多阻碍，让我停下脚步慢慢欣赏沿途风景，他的出现或许也是上天安排，让我慢活，因为他真的太像乌龟啦！！！
或许一直都没人爱，现在的我好想好好的，深深地去爱。不管无常还是明天先到，至少我是狠狠的爱过。感恩生命中出现好多色彩，好多阻碍，让我停下脚步慢慢欣赏沿途风景，他的出现或许也是上天安排，让我慢活，因为他真的太像乌龟啦！！！
我好想好想过着陈绮贞音乐的慵懒，蔡健雅的洒脱，然后和蔡濠光慢活。
因为他，我喜怒无常，EQ 要重修。
因为他，我放下尊严，任性地放纵我自己，然后放肆地让她打点我生活的一切，活像个废人，甜蜜的废人。
哭过闹过幼稚过，我真的只想放慢脚步，细细咀嚼他带给我的小却幸。
我真的很平凡，他更是万绿丛中的小绿叶，但是我的大小事就是可以放心的托付在他身上，我想他就是我的一点红。
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
阿嶽的加持 阿欣的堅持
在幸運神眷顧，各方神聖的保佑下，我和阿佩終於如願以償的順利通過了資格鑒定考試！
三個多月的苦等苦熬，我們終於終於當上了夢寐以求（是嗎？好像不）的職能治療師！
不需要再聽別人使喚，不需要再穿那不堪入目的制服，不需要總是被人誤會是打掃的大嬸，而最重要的是不需要再捱那不到兩千塊的薪水了！真是祖宗顯靈，天宮保庇，前世修的福！！我真的只想說，“阿媽，我得咗啦！！”
其實我也蠻矛盾的，一方面是興奮，一方面則是憂慮，因為三個月呆在安全區都沒走出來，腦袋瓜也好像早銹透了，突然要我獨當一面，要我絞盡腦汁，要我讀書，要我規劃，我一下子覺得心跳加速，喘得我快透不過氣了。好在醫院的同事真的太好人了，處處替我們著想，事事為我們規劃，尤其我這種面對選擇恐懼癥然後又優柔果斷的人，同事的適時出手相助，猶如沙漠中的綠洲，讓我重燃光明！（誇張手法，太久沒寫作，秀秀修辭）
然後就這樣，一個多月過去了，我懵懵懂懂跟不少的病人度過了我的第一個月，他們也幸運地在我這菜鳥手上順利地活過來（本來都活著，我的意思是在我手上死不了 :P)。好多好多好多（好煩，總之無限的多）的不懂，好多好多的學習，不只是醫藥方面，我自己的工作範圍，人事關係，文件處理，人生道理，我才發現自己真的是無知到一個沸點。可是套名人一句 “態度決定一切”，只好慢慢學習，慢慢進步，慢慢再發掘自己，發掘人生，這就是不停戰鬥的人生。我知道自己是有名的懶人，不過寫日記就是要督促自己，當時代在進步，我不可以在虛度我的人生了！說好的碩士課程，說好的背包旅遊，說好的漫遊人生，我還是滿腔熱血，瘋狂期待著。可是在這之前，我需要做的努力不只是表面功夫，我的功底真的不能讓我頂太久。朱小姐，你已經快到四分之一的人生了（如果可以當個人瑞），振作起來！！
最近有點瘋狂愛上阿嶽，因為膚淺地看了我罷看很久的台灣偶像劇。《我的自由年代》 讓我重新瞬間回到愛發春秋夢的少女時代 :) 也不是一味發春，而是精彩的語錄，尤其對一個剛畢業出來的菜鳥而言，是值得省思的。
“對自由有多大的瞭解，就有多大的自由。一直把自己困在別人的城堡里，在意別人的一舉一動，讓別人決定你是笑還是哭，這樣就不自由，因為沒有一座屬於自己的城堡。
只要不在乎別人的眼光，不為別人而活，你就自由了”
我想，我要的不是身體上的自由，而是真正精神上的自由。追求自由不簡單，現在的我只是很小很小的起步，我希望的是探索更多未知的我，努力突破自己，做一些我從來沒想過我會做的事，達成一些小小的目標，再循序漸進往更大目標前進。
“我愛上的只是我的幻想，而幻想再美麗，到了現實也會破滅”
我說姐，請好好努力，為自己真正的自由加油打拼吧！
三個多月的苦等苦熬，我們終於終於當上了夢寐以求（是嗎？好像不）的職能治療師！
不需要再聽別人使喚，不需要再穿那不堪入目的制服，不需要總是被人誤會是打掃的大嬸，而最重要的是不需要再捱那不到兩千塊的薪水了！真是祖宗顯靈，天宮保庇，前世修的福！！我真的只想說，“阿媽，我得咗啦！！”
其實我也蠻矛盾的，一方面是興奮，一方面則是憂慮，因為三個月呆在安全區都沒走出來，腦袋瓜也好像早銹透了，突然要我獨當一面，要我絞盡腦汁，要我讀書，要我規劃，我一下子覺得心跳加速，喘得我快透不過氣了。好在醫院的同事真的太好人了，處處替我們著想，事事為我們規劃，尤其我這種面對選擇恐懼癥然後又優柔果斷的人，同事的適時出手相助，猶如沙漠中的綠洲，讓我重燃光明！（誇張手法，太久沒寫作，秀秀修辭）
然後就這樣，一個多月過去了，我懵懵懂懂跟不少的病人度過了我的第一個月，他們也幸運地在我這菜鳥手上順利地活過來（本來都活著，我的意思是在我手上死不了 :P)。好多好多好多（好煩，總之無限的多）的不懂，好多好多的學習，不只是醫藥方面，我自己的工作範圍，人事關係，文件處理，人生道理，我才發現自己真的是無知到一個沸點。可是套名人一句 “態度決定一切”，只好慢慢學習，慢慢進步，慢慢再發掘自己，發掘人生，這就是不停戰鬥的人生。我知道自己是有名的懶人，不過寫日記就是要督促自己，當時代在進步，我不可以在虛度我的人生了！說好的碩士課程，說好的背包旅遊，說好的漫遊人生，我還是滿腔熱血，瘋狂期待著。可是在這之前，我需要做的努力不只是表面功夫，我的功底真的不能讓我頂太久。朱小姐，你已經快到四分之一的人生了（如果可以當個人瑞），振作起來！！
最近有點瘋狂愛上阿嶽，因為膚淺地看了我罷看很久的台灣偶像劇。《我的自由年代》 讓我重新瞬間回到愛發春秋夢的少女時代 :) 也不是一味發春，而是精彩的語錄，尤其對一個剛畢業出來的菜鳥而言，是值得省思的。
“對自由有多大的瞭解，就有多大的自由。一直把自己困在別人的城堡里，在意別人的一舉一動，讓別人決定你是笑還是哭，這樣就不自由，因為沒有一座屬於自己的城堡。
只要不在乎別人的眼光，不為別人而活，你就自由了”
我想，我要的不是身體上的自由，而是真正精神上的自由。追求自由不簡單，現在的我只是很小很小的起步，我希望的是探索更多未知的我，努力突破自己，做一些我從來沒想過我會做的事，達成一些小小的目標，再循序漸進往更大目標前進。
“我愛上的只是我的幻想，而幻想再美麗，到了現實也會破滅”
我說姐，請好好努力，為自己真正的自由加油打拼吧！
Friday, January 3, 2014
他媽的2014 我媽的24
新的一年了，很快
我的20 年華快來到了一半，我卻覺得自己一事無成
胸有大志，但都是空做白日夢
我真的覺得自己越來越不像話
是空口說白話的話
積極的人生這樣子的座右銘，只能是一陣子的熱血
可能持續個一兩天
然後我又打回原狀
有時我真的覺得自己是犯賤
明明是大好機會
卻總是等到失去了才來後悔
現在就是狠狠的，用力的在浪費這個機會
好，又來，答應自己，剛過的生日，這是第二天，
請我自己用力地過我的人生，
我真的不希望有任何我不想要有的遺憾
明明就可以很精彩 不要羡慕他人
明明就平平庸庸 不要自命不凡
明明就傻傻更更 不要自作聰明
明明就寂寞難耐 還裝作若無其事
明明就容易被看穿 還一副“沒人懂我”的自命清高
摒除這些 我也是筍盤 哈
加油 2014 你就好讓我好過點
我是認真的
其實外國的煙花沒有比較璀璨
Thursday, December 8, 2011
better and better..:)
To my astonishment, I had been arranged to help in Orthopedics unit today. I was reluctant but I had to face with my phobia. I knew I could escape myself from my fear. Early in the morning I was busy handling with different patients with different conditions. I even did mistakes when measuring ROM in thumb abduction. It was embarrassing when I was being questioned by the therapist. The first patient that I did monofilament test on him was a general worker in Ministry of State in Johor. He had retired now and moved to Klang. He complained of pain and numbness on both arms causing the test had to be halted for many times to let him rest awhile before continuing. I began to be impatient when patient failed to feel the monofilament. I was annoyed by the distraction of the television but the therapist did not even bother about the disruptions. After lunch there were still many patients in orthopedics unit. I chatted with many patients and did what the therapists told me to do. I handled CTS, and fractures cases. One of the patients is a marketing manager in a law firm. He was on leave till January. He had left distal end radius fracture and yet he is optimistic and always thinks of the good side. I ended today session after all patients had done with TENS, hand helper and theraputty exercise.
What gave me a vivid impression was a patient who was a dental surgeon before retiring. She worked for government hospital for more than 10 years then changed the environment to work in a private hospital. She dedicated her life into dental field for decades and she felt contented with her life. She struggled before as dentistry was her mother’s ambition not hers. She wanted to be a journalist photographer, she likes travelling and photographing. However different kinds of patients drew her to continue in her field for so many years. She enjoyed interacting and communicating with patients of different background, religion, and races. There were a lot of stories that might give her some lessons. Before she left, she emphasized to us that passion is very important to keep one moving further in one’s field or career. If work for salary, one’s life must be miserable and meaningless. I strongly agreed with her and I really think that enthusiasm is the key to success and keep your competency in your field. Without passion we will work like a robot, emotionless and heartless. I started to feel lost whenever I was told to do this and that. I started to think did all these we give fulfilling what the patients indeed wanted for? Were we too robotic? Were we too rigid? Did the practical students too obey to their instructions? Did we really perform our roles as a good therapist? I was thinking all the time but I had no answers and I dared not to deepen the problems. Where is the true passion? For me a true and reliable therapist is the one who cares not just physically but mentally and psychologically. I want to be the one but it is still a long journey to discover the way and time is needed to mould me into a “true” and truthful therapist.
What gave me a vivid impression was a patient who was a dental surgeon before retiring. She worked for government hospital for more than 10 years then changed the environment to work in a private hospital. She dedicated her life into dental field for decades and she felt contented with her life. She struggled before as dentistry was her mother’s ambition not hers. She wanted to be a journalist photographer, she likes travelling and photographing. However different kinds of patients drew her to continue in her field for so many years. She enjoyed interacting and communicating with patients of different background, religion, and races. There were a lot of stories that might give her some lessons. Before she left, she emphasized to us that passion is very important to keep one moving further in one’s field or career. If work for salary, one’s life must be miserable and meaningless. I strongly agreed with her and I really think that enthusiasm is the key to success and keep your competency in your field. Without passion we will work like a robot, emotionless and heartless. I started to feel lost whenever I was told to do this and that. I started to think did all these we give fulfilling what the patients indeed wanted for? Were we too robotic? Were we too rigid? Did the practical students too obey to their instructions? Did we really perform our roles as a good therapist? I was thinking all the time but I had no answers and I dared not to deepen the problems. Where is the true passion? For me a true and reliable therapist is the one who cares not just physically but mentally and psychologically. I want to be the one but it is still a long journey to discover the way and time is needed to mould me into a “true” and truthful therapist.
Experience is another key for me to sharpen my skills. This posting was a chance for me to make mistakes and accumulate my results in order to become stronger and tougher. Knowledge is the power to stand still confidently. The reason I was always in low self-esteem was that I cannot convince others with my knowledge. I have a lot of uncertainties to clarify. I really need to be determined and have strong will to toughen my foundation of knowledge. I really want to be the good one to treat my patient. I do not want to be a robot merely.
I saw this in some website, feel strongly to quote down to remind myself: WHAT is it that's hard to break??? Diamond? Nope. The answer is:
HABIT!
If you break the H, you still have A BIT.
If you break the A, you still have BIT.
If you break the B, you still have IT!
Hey, after you break the T in IT, there is still the 'I'.
And that (I) is the root cause of all the problems. J
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Hell chamber?!~
here come to the end of a week after consecutive five days with non-stop reports and reflective writing that made me tired and nearly worn out. I need some fresh air. Hate the feeling of stressed and breathless being in a unit that surrounded by unskilled but cocky therapists. I need to teach what is HUMBLE about. I can hardly understand why they were being so unfriendly to degree students. is it because they were graduated from diploma causing hormone imbalance? or just simply had some prejudice on students? arghh...whatever...
Luckily i just need to face them for 3 more weeks. i hope time flies. i really hate to be here.is like a battlefield everytime i reach hospital. the atmosphere is killing me. or i was not born to be a therapist?haiz..i was defeated mentally. i need to rejuvenate myself before stepping into the hell chamber again. Jia you ah hsing!!!:))
Friday, October 14, 2011
♥送爱之旅♥
从昨晚观赏了一场西班牙flamenco之旅回来也是马不停蹄的去赴了另一场更有意义的旅程。
前一晚不停赶health promotion 的proposal直到一点多才睡觉。一下子五点多就被闹钟叫醒=S。很累可是却兴致勃勃想去赴约了=）六点十五分正，我披着我黑色夹克耸立在guardhouse前充当了五分钟的guard，终于才等到我们亲爱的师兄带我和另一位同仁走到Mcd那搭巴士。哇，天未亮，人未醒，就这样朦朦胧胧中开始了十五分钟的步行，嘻嘻。也好，走路，我才会比较清醒。浩浩荡荡地，四人行出发了！其实我们四人都不认识更甭讲熟，于是就在早晨的各种动物制造的美妙声音陪伴下，到达文良港，再爬上巴士，找了位子，呼隆睡着了。
一路上摇摇晃晃，司机也在各个地方载了不同大专的同伴们。我半梦半醒中听了学长说关于麻风病麻风病村落的一些点滴，要我们做好心理准备去面对这些老人家，因为他们的外形可能有些不太一样。其实前一个晚上，我已经偷偷搜索关于麻风病的一些基本资料。我拍胸口保证自己可以面对！因为职能治疗师将来也会接触同样的病人。我不能退缩也不能害怕，所以勇敢就是我的选择！九点多，终于来到了双溪毛孺sungai buloh leprocy centre.巴士司机一驶入村子里时，满满的花圃映入眼帘。学长说以前被关进这村子时村民们闲来没事就种花也就种出心得。也许心境漂亮，种出来的花朵自然美丽。看着这些花，就想起槟城的妈咪。妈咪也超爱种花的，让她看到这些花，她一定会跟每家的主人要种子吧！哈哈。话说回头，在静思堂里集合分组后，我意外的派到发放物资的那一组，必须沿家挨户地派发我们的爱心。虽然阳光很猛烈，可事情却没有浇熄我们那阳光般的爱心和热心。=) 我们带着真诚的心出发了。我们一行人来自不同大专不同年龄，却有着共同的目标，共同的理念，就是要帮助这群老人。
我以为他们真的跟我们会有很大的差别，但其实我错了，错得离谱。他们比我们更漂亮，至少他们活得漂亮。外表并不能决定一切，他们有着的是一颗真诚的心，认真面对生活，勇敢活下去的决心。沿途上，我发现村子里的木屋都很简陋，小小的空间，只足以容纳一个人，我不能想象在如此的生活环境，公公婆婆也就这样生活了七八十年。可是公公婆婆们都是乐观的一群，他们没有流泪没有哀愁，或许他们背后有很多很辛酸的故事不能一一道来，但从他们真挚的笑容，我看到他们的乐观与积极，与世无争。即使流过了多少眼泪，背负了多少谴责与负担，他们走过来了。世俗的眼光,不谅解让他们看透，也挨了超过半个世纪。慈济的心意却有融化了他们的心，我们可以坦诚相对，没有猜疑，没有犹豫，没有嫉妒，这样的相处真的很舒服。当把物资交给他们手中时，公公婆婆都不约而同露出灿烂暖心的笑容。阳光与笑容，这绝配的组合，让我的周末充满能量。
有个阿公，我们一抵达他的家，当学姐要求照相时，他毫不犹豫答应了。还一个箭步冲到屋里拿了件衬衫套在自己裸露的上半身。阿公真的好可爱，硬要学姐捉最好的角度拍他与她种的琼花，在旁的我们也只有陪笑，可是我心里纳闷，阿公是不是太就没人来陪伴呢？所以特别寂寞，看到我们一行人，我想他是很兴奋吧。阿公操着英语跟我们这帮年轻人谈天，他告诉我们以前的丰功伟绩，如今的儿孙满堂。曾经威风凛凛的空军，拯救无数人的救护车司机，在这个村子显得格格不入，我想他一定经历过了内心无数痛苦的挣扎才找到今日的平静。他热情地招呼，指着在墙上一张张的旧照片不停向我们述说着往事。阿公八十八岁，却有着八岁的赤子之心。我二十一岁，却没有他的乐观开朗，年轻活力。
有个阿嫲，当我们到她家时，她刚从把刹买菜回来，看到我们这班人，她笑得特别让人窝心。鞠了个九十度躬，我把物资交到她手中。阿嫲暖暖的手让我想起从小抚养我长大的两个女人--我的妈妈和舅妈。他们都有着妈妈的味道，妈妈的伟大。阿嫲热情地招呼我们，把我们领到厨房看他买了些什么菜,准备煮些什么菜。突然就这样谈到自己的往事。唯一的孩子未满月就离世，丈夫近几年的离开，与自己家人的疏离，找不回自己的亲生父母，我不禁悲从中来，可是阿嫲却笑着述说着子的一切，如此的豁达，如此的坦然，还反过来安慰我们。阿嫲真的让我上了宝贵的一堂课。阿嫲如今剩下她孤零零的一个人，历经二次世界大战，如此坎坷的生活和波折却没有让她屈服于此现实，没有埋怨，也没有愤世嫉俗。我面对的芝麻绿豆小事又算得了什么。拥有家人朋友的爱却自怨自艾；修读着有用的科系，却经常埋怨教授不够好，大学不够好。为什么总不懂得知足？为什么总是那么贪婪地想要一切？却不知道比起别人，我真的是幸福的小孩。那些不愉快又算得了什么。当阿嫲告诉我只剩他一个人没人理她时，我真的很想抱着阿嫲对她说：“阿嫲一定要加油！”。但我只是说，我们也可以是她的孩子，她并不寂寞。回头想想，我对于家里两老真的太漠不关心了。总是在打理自己的事情，却从来没有多为他们想想或是慰问几句，多说几句就会嫌口臭。阿嫲，谢谢你敲醒了我，是时候反省，行孝。
这趟旅程让我得到了心灵的富足，我汗流浃背，晒得一身古铜色的肌肤，不充足的睡眠，没有完成的功课，这一切都已不太重要。因为我献出满满的爱，也得到了满满的爱。从来都没有觉得自己的生活可以如此充实。星期日不是让你怠惰偷懒的日子，站起来，走出去，你会发现小小的一个动作，可以让别人得到快乐，自己也很开心，何乐而不为？
前一晚不停赶health promotion 的proposal直到一点多才睡觉。一下子五点多就被闹钟叫醒=S。很累可是却兴致勃勃想去赴约了=）六点十五分正，我披着我黑色夹克耸立在guardhouse前充当了五分钟的guard，终于才等到我们亲爱的师兄带我和另一位同仁走到Mcd那搭巴士。哇，天未亮，人未醒，就这样朦朦胧胧中开始了十五分钟的步行，嘻嘻。也好，走路，我才会比较清醒。浩浩荡荡地，四人行出发了！其实我们四人都不认识更甭讲熟，于是就在早晨的各种动物制造的美妙声音陪伴下，到达文良港，再爬上巴士，找了位子，呼隆睡着了。
一路上摇摇晃晃，司机也在各个地方载了不同大专的同伴们。我半梦半醒中听了学长说关于麻风病麻风病村落的一些点滴，要我们做好心理准备去面对这些老人家，因为他们的外形可能有些不太一样。其实前一个晚上，我已经偷偷搜索关于麻风病的一些基本资料。我拍胸口保证自己可以面对！因为职能治疗师将来也会接触同样的病人。我不能退缩也不能害怕，所以勇敢就是我的选择！九点多，终于来到了双溪毛孺sungai buloh leprocy centre.巴士司机一驶入村子里时，满满的花圃映入眼帘。学长说以前被关进这村子时村民们闲来没事就种花也就种出心得。也许心境漂亮，种出来的花朵自然美丽。看着这些花，就想起槟城的妈咪。妈咪也超爱种花的，让她看到这些花，她一定会跟每家的主人要种子吧！哈哈。话说回头，在静思堂里集合分组后，我意外的派到发放物资的那一组，必须沿家挨户地派发我们的爱心。虽然阳光很猛烈，可事情却没有浇熄我们那阳光般的爱心和热心。=) 我们带着真诚的心出发了。我们一行人来自不同大专不同年龄，却有着共同的目标，共同的理念，就是要帮助这群老人。
我以为他们真的跟我们会有很大的差别，但其实我错了，错得离谱。他们比我们更漂亮，至少他们活得漂亮。外表并不能决定一切，他们有着的是一颗真诚的心，认真面对生活，勇敢活下去的决心。沿途上，我发现村子里的木屋都很简陋，小小的空间，只足以容纳一个人，我不能想象在如此的生活环境，公公婆婆也就这样生活了七八十年。可是公公婆婆们都是乐观的一群，他们没有流泪没有哀愁，或许他们背后有很多很辛酸的故事不能一一道来，但从他们真挚的笑容，我看到他们的乐观与积极，与世无争。即使流过了多少眼泪，背负了多少谴责与负担，他们走过来了。世俗的眼光,不谅解让他们看透，也挨了超过半个世纪。慈济的心意却有融化了他们的心，我们可以坦诚相对，没有猜疑，没有犹豫，没有嫉妒，这样的相处真的很舒服。当把物资交给他们手中时，公公婆婆都不约而同露出灿烂暖心的笑容。阳光与笑容，这绝配的组合，让我的周末充满能量。
有个阿公，我们一抵达他的家，当学姐要求照相时，他毫不犹豫答应了。还一个箭步冲到屋里拿了件衬衫套在自己裸露的上半身。阿公真的好可爱，硬要学姐捉最好的角度拍他与她种的琼花，在旁的我们也只有陪笑，可是我心里纳闷，阿公是不是太就没人来陪伴呢？所以特别寂寞，看到我们一行人，我想他是很兴奋吧。阿公操着英语跟我们这帮年轻人谈天，他告诉我们以前的丰功伟绩，如今的儿孙满堂。曾经威风凛凛的空军，拯救无数人的救护车司机，在这个村子显得格格不入，我想他一定经历过了内心无数痛苦的挣扎才找到今日的平静。他热情地招呼，指着在墙上一张张的旧照片不停向我们述说着往事。阿公八十八岁，却有着八岁的赤子之心。我二十一岁，却没有他的乐观开朗，年轻活力。
有个阿嫲，当我们到她家时，她刚从把刹买菜回来，看到我们这班人，她笑得特别让人窝心。鞠了个九十度躬，我把物资交到她手中。阿嫲暖暖的手让我想起从小抚养我长大的两个女人--我的妈妈和舅妈。他们都有着妈妈的味道，妈妈的伟大。阿嫲热情地招呼我们，把我们领到厨房看他买了些什么菜,准备煮些什么菜。突然就这样谈到自己的往事。唯一的孩子未满月就离世，丈夫近几年的离开，与自己家人的疏离，找不回自己的亲生父母，我不禁悲从中来，可是阿嫲却笑着述说着子的一切，如此的豁达，如此的坦然，还反过来安慰我们。阿嫲真的让我上了宝贵的一堂课。阿嫲如今剩下她孤零零的一个人，历经二次世界大战，如此坎坷的生活和波折却没有让她屈服于此现实，没有埋怨，也没有愤世嫉俗。我面对的芝麻绿豆小事又算得了什么。拥有家人朋友的爱却自怨自艾；修读着有用的科系，却经常埋怨教授不够好，大学不够好。为什么总不懂得知足？为什么总是那么贪婪地想要一切？却不知道比起别人，我真的是幸福的小孩。那些不愉快又算得了什么。当阿嫲告诉我只剩他一个人没人理她时，我真的很想抱着阿嫲对她说：“阿嫲一定要加油！”。但我只是说，我们也可以是她的孩子，她并不寂寞。回头想想，我对于家里两老真的太漠不关心了。总是在打理自己的事情，却从来没有多为他们想想或是慰问几句，多说几句就会嫌口臭。阿嫲，谢谢你敲醒了我，是时候反省，行孝。
这趟旅程让我得到了心灵的富足，我汗流浃背，晒得一身古铜色的肌肤，不充足的睡眠，没有完成的功课，这一切都已不太重要。因为我献出满满的爱，也得到了满满的爱。从来都没有觉得自己的生活可以如此充实。星期日不是让你怠惰偷懒的日子，站起来，走出去，你会发现小小的一个动作，可以让别人得到快乐，自己也很开心，何乐而不为？
Saturday, September 24, 2011
脑袋的战争
突然觉得自好虚伪。做了小丑之后，大笑一场之后，闹了一番之后，我发现其实心里真的有一块是忧郁的。
我不是真正的快乐。可是这样做人也未免辛苦了点。
我是豁达的，我告诉我自己，我也希望自己是。面对朋友的失恋我可以侃侃而谈，好像自己很有经验似的，但其实我真的没有。或许我是希望自己有的吧。
吵吵闹闹了一番，我又不自觉地想起他。然后乃带有是一场战争，一方支持我想他，一方支持我打败他。我想说我是希望打败他，可是敌方未免也太强了吧。我需要点时间抗衡。
我可以的，为了朝自己的梦想前进，我会加油。像月亮滢一样，不顾一切拼到底。我想效仿她，我要做到，我会做到，我一定做到！！！！！
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
我的玩伴
希望自己不要想太多，勇敢走下去。自己选的路，跪着也要走完。有小新小尼，我要好好加油~干出一番事业。哈哈哈！^^
Thursday, May 12, 2011
the lazy song~
today i dont feel like doing anything..
suddenly think of him and again uncontrollably click into his page..
how can i resist?i try not to think i try to escape but my mind kept spinning all about him..i guess i am too free.my brain has too many capacities to load all those nonsense things.i have to put myself in a busy mode in order to forget and keep me away from silly thinking..i have a lot of things to pursue and i am too unproductive..unproductive to the family,society and even to myself..i cant be like that for the rest of my life..i need to achieve something..at least something that can make me die without regrets.i need to be proactive and passionate.maybe tomorrow is the end of the world..who knows..:'(i should let go the the trivial things and do something else that are more important.
jia you!!i cant be lazy anymore..i went for glass exhibition yesterday and Salvador Dali's melting clock told me that time elapsed and cant come back to me..can i aware of this?wake up!!!
suddenly think of him and again uncontrollably click into his page..
how can i resist?i try not to think i try to escape but my mind kept spinning all about him..i guess i am too free.my brain has too many capacities to load all those nonsense things.i have to put myself in a busy mode in order to forget and keep me away from silly thinking..i have a lot of things to pursue and i am too unproductive..unproductive to the family,society and even to myself..i cant be like that for the rest of my life..i need to achieve something..at least something that can make me die without regrets.i need to be proactive and passionate.maybe tomorrow is the end of the world..who knows..:'(i should let go the the trivial things and do something else that are more important.
these two quotes i found them meaningful.Dali words will become my motivation to keep on moving.
hope for a brand new day..:)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Pipit Wonderful Market 6^^
i love today..it is a happy day with all DIY things around me:D..
satisfied with all the goods i bought!so excited to start sewing after purchasing from pupurin fabric collector..
i <3 today and i do enjoy my day..big thanks to Pipit made my day!!XD
p/s: so happy to meet with my junior prefects there:) they are great and amazing!!established their own business network and i think it is a success!:Dcongrats!
satisfied with all the goods i bought!so excited to start sewing after purchasing from pupurin fabric collector..
p/s: so happy to meet with my junior prefects there:) they are great and amazing!!established their own business network and i think it is a success!:Dcongrats!
Monday, April 25, 2011
面对它、接受它、解决它、放下它
是我勇敢追求爱吗？
是我勇于表达我的内心感受？
还是其实我是愚蠢...
一切好像都不再那么重要。
该来的始终会来，
虽然尴尬，我还是得面对他。
去吧，去承担你所谓的勇敢。
不要想太多，做你自己！:)
是我勇于表达我的内心感受？
还是其实我是愚蠢...
一切好像都不再那么重要。
该来的始终会来，
虽然尴尬，我还是得面对他。
不要想太多，做你自己！:)
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
aww..big JOKE to him, big EMBARRASSMENT to me..:(
Today i have orthopedics class with Mr Soh again..he is a prestigious hand therapist in Malaysia and currently the head of rehab unit in PPUM. we are such lucky and proud to have him as our lecturer for this subject. but i have screwed it!!!!stupid me had made a BIG mistake when partner with my coursemate doing extensor tendon injury splint.It's been hours from now but i can still feel the embarrassment!!
Our condition is ECRL and ECRB tendon cut injury.It should be static splint protecting the wrist from flexion and keep it extension at 35 degrees but what we made was a Dynamic Splint that suit for EDC patient!!!!oh gosh!!why i never think of the function of ECRL and ECRB then straightway went to make a not-right splint!!!!im so annoyed..annoyed by myself and my partner as well..
The first question he asked, " what is the function of ECRL and ECRB???" i was stunned as i can feel that we had done a wrong splint!!!OMG..:( i answered, "extend the wrist" but ah ming doesnt realize that he answered extend MCP joint!!!oh my god it is totally incorrect!!it is nothing to do with phalanges but we did a splint at all fingers for passive extension!!why am i doing such a stupid mistake!!??i cant forgive myself till now!why didnt i realize that there is nothing concern with the fingers!!GERAMNYA!! the moment being judged in front of all my coursemates is torturing and i felt like being insulted!:X mr soh even blamed us for not studying the fundamental theory..i felt innocent..i can answer the stupid question is just doing the incorrect splint:((
Yet mr soh is such a nice guy..he is so considerate. he kept on consoling us by "praising" us doing a right splint for others..it was a good and nice splint undoubtedly but not fulfill the condition..Damn it..but don't know im too sensitive or what i can feel him dislike me..blaming myself for not studying by heart and not having a strong and firm anatomy basic.. he emphasized that he ought to have a base of anatomical,physiological knowledge as the prerequisite to stand still in this field.Ya he is right but perhaps im not the right one to stand with him.
He ended the class by saying we are doing a big mistake and for him is a big joke..he stressed that he is not embarrassing us. made mistakes in the class is better than made mistakes in the future or being scolded by the patient or medical surgeon..i kept nodding the head but i felt like crying..mempersiasuikan my name and my ancestors..:(( i m lost and my confidence had dropped to zero..can i go further??i think is time for me to wake up to grow and to be serious..i know it is just a phase that i need to go through but it is hard for me..i cant accept i did this silly mistake with a blur blur coursemate..:(speechless..the problem is i had already left a bad impression for Mr Soh.how dare i go PPUM for posting????i need to polish well everything including skills and knowledge before the next meeting with such a powerful and influential lecturer..hope time can heal the "wound" that i had done today:(
Our condition is ECRL and ECRB tendon cut injury.It should be static splint protecting the wrist from flexion and keep it extension at 35 degrees but what we made was a Dynamic Splint that suit for EDC patient!!!!oh gosh!!why i never think of the function of ECRL and ECRB then straightway went to make a not-right splint!!!!im so annoyed..annoyed by myself and my partner as well..
The first question he asked, " what is the function of ECRL and ECRB???" i was stunned as i can feel that we had done a wrong splint!!!OMG..:( i answered, "extend the wrist" but ah ming doesnt realize that he answered extend MCP joint!!!oh my god it is totally incorrect!!it is nothing to do with phalanges but we did a splint at all fingers for passive extension!!why am i doing such a stupid mistake!!??i cant forgive myself till now!why didnt i realize that there is nothing concern with the fingers!!GERAMNYA!! the moment being judged in front of all my coursemates is torturing and i felt like being insulted!:X mr soh even blamed us for not studying the fundamental theory..i felt innocent..i can answer the stupid question is just doing the incorrect splint:((
Yet mr soh is such a nice guy..he is so considerate. he kept on consoling us by "praising" us doing a right splint for others..it was a good and nice splint undoubtedly but not fulfill the condition..Damn it..but don't know im too sensitive or what i can feel him dislike me..blaming myself for not studying by heart and not having a strong and firm anatomy basic.. he emphasized that he ought to have a base of anatomical,physiological knowledge as the prerequisite to stand still in this field.Ya he is right but perhaps im not the right one to stand with him.
He ended the class by saying we are doing a big mistake and for him is a big joke..he stressed that he is not embarrassing us. made mistakes in the class is better than made mistakes in the future or being scolded by the patient or medical surgeon..i kept nodding the head but i felt like crying..mempersiasuikan my name and my ancestors..:(( i m lost and my confidence had dropped to zero..can i go further??i think is time for me to wake up to grow and to be serious..i know it is just a phase that i need to go through but it is hard for me..i cant accept i did this silly mistake with a blur blur coursemate..:(speechless..the problem is i had already left a bad impression for Mr Soh.how dare i go PPUM for posting????i need to polish well everything including skills and knowledge before the next meeting with such a powerful and influential lecturer..hope time can heal the "wound" that i had done today:(
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
February is coming to an end...
burdened by lotss of assignments,i insisted going home to make myself a great escape:)
i found that i m not tat independent as i think..im so frail..im afraid of loneliness..im afraid of changes..im willing to stay in my own comfort zone..feel so bad..
after two years i only realized that i cant live without my lovely family..i damn love my sweet sweet home and i love PENANG!!!i need lOVe
i found that i m not tat independent as i think..im so frail..im afraid of loneliness..im afraid of changes..im willing to stay in my own comfort zone..feel so bad..
after two years i only realized that i cant live without my lovely family..i damn love my sweet sweet home and i love PENANG!!!i need lOVe
get in time to bai tian gong..bobi bobi:)
lotss of oblations..my mom never forget what to do as a tradisional woman. She is such a great lady:)
While waiting, i captured my mom's ‘masterpiece'..haha..she put alots of endeavour in gardening..*like*
another one..
the greatest lady ever..love ya>.<
the man i spent 20 years together..haha..
got to spend time with my lil nephew..xoxo
is he complaining"y this lady hug me so tightly..uncomfartable..urghhhh"
time to go for a movie with ladies and gentleman..teng teng teng teng..
a beautiful scene of my residential area..:)
missing...
beautiful days with my precious family..i really appreciate it..hope the moment like this wont vanish like this..
a marvelous few days 'trip' spent at hometown with marvelous family members..enjoyed my life to the fullest:)
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
筘紧的思绪~
才刚开课，满脑子好多好多的杂念，苦无对象倾诉，也不懂该怎么说出来。很无奈也很悲哀。这个学期已是第四个学期了，我好想快点毕业，可是对于前路我还是很彷徨，读了两年一直都徘徊在一些理论上。这门学问很注重实践，可是两年了！！我们却没学到什么，我真的很担心，但我们却没有人会积极地为着困境找出路。不知道是我太多心还是大家都太不上进，从来没有人会担心未来的工作。讲师说，我们二十个人谁都不用担心，出去就是铁饭碗。哈哈，我冷笑。全身不禁打了个冷颤。真的可以吗？我们酱的素质，酱的学习态度，酱的责任感，酱的不成熟，真的可以吗？或许他们自认可以吧。但我不敢肯定。我甚至根本没有下定决心走这一行。
刚看到星州新教育副刊的报道，“追梦的人'，对于那些追梦的青年，我总是投于羡慕的眼光，也只能远远地、默默地竖起大拇指赞好，然后再回顾畏鼠畏尾的自己好像除了慨叹也没有别的形容词。我？一想到自己，我真的很觉得好沮丧。可是我不停地告诉自己，千万不可以放弃，还有两年，再挨吧、挨下去吧！另一边厢，好像有另一把声音会在怀疑：这是你要的吗？为什么还要浪费时间？为什么不勇敢的不乖一次？！或许心理太多包袱了，也或许墨守成规就是我的习惯，我真的不敢踏出那‘不乖’的一步。总是问系友：“你们一定会走这一行吗？” 他们的回答由始至终都一样，很果断地告诉我：“是！”。我的心里就会浮现很多噢买嘎的感叹号，惊叹他们怎么那么肯定，惊叹自己怎么还是迷途羔羊？！
虽然说这科是我的第三选择，虽然说我本来读的目的就是为了帮助病患，甚至照顾自己的双亲，可是面对酱‘好'的学习环境、酱‘负责任’的讲师、酱’马来文化‘的生活、酱不溶为一体的系友，我真的可以吗？我可以，怎么不可以呢？一切还是那么美好，世界不会因为我的不满而改变，我只是厌倦了活在自己不喜欢的世界当中。我从小就是家里的荣耀，在吉隆坡读书对妈来说好像是很光荣的事，可是有苦我自己知。当初的美好想象，自己体验后才知是假象。总觉得自己被困在一个框框之中，很想逃脱，却又不知如何逃脱；很想放弃，却又没有勇气。或许我连自己想要什么都不知道才会迷失才会害怕吧。我真的梦想可以到外面的世界开拓自己的视野，放下我的心里包袱，勇敢跨出一步。现在我能做的是只有默默啃下这两年，然后再往外冲吗？好像除了酱，我也不知道该怎样。。
““我好想好想飞，逃离这个疯狂世界，那么多苦，那么多累，那么多莫名的泪水。。如果是你发现了我也别将我挽回。”五月天的歌总是那么贴心，这是为什么我那么爱他们。:)
姐姐的儿子藏了九个月终于来到了这个世界！人生中的美好莫过于如此。 我想他抱着的事对这个世界的好奇，我希望他可以征服这个疯狂世界，活出自己的人生！加油吧，承勋！小姨也会加油的！我想.....怎么办？好像开始想家了。
刚看到星州新教育副刊的报道，“追梦的人'，对于那些追梦的青年，我总是投于羡慕的眼光，也只能远远地、默默地竖起大拇指赞好，然后再回顾畏鼠畏尾的自己好像除了慨叹也没有别的形容词。我？一想到自己，我真的很觉得好沮丧。可是我不停地告诉自己，千万不可以放弃，还有两年，再挨吧、挨下去吧！另一边厢，好像有另一把声音会在怀疑：这是你要的吗？为什么还要浪费时间？为什么不勇敢的不乖一次？！或许心理太多包袱了，也或许墨守成规就是我的习惯，我真的不敢踏出那‘不乖’的一步。总是问系友：“你们一定会走这一行吗？” 他们的回答由始至终都一样，很果断地告诉我：“是！”。我的心里就会浮现很多噢买嘎的感叹号，惊叹他们怎么那么肯定，惊叹自己怎么还是迷途羔羊？！
虽然说这科是我的第三选择，虽然说我本来读的目的就是为了帮助病患，甚至照顾自己的双亲，可是面对酱‘好'的学习环境、酱‘负责任’的讲师、酱’马来文化‘的生活、酱不溶为一体的系友，我真的可以吗？我可以，怎么不可以呢？一切还是那么美好，世界不会因为我的不满而改变，我只是厌倦了活在自己不喜欢的世界当中。我从小就是家里的荣耀，在吉隆坡读书对妈来说好像是很光荣的事，可是有苦我自己知。当初的美好想象，自己体验后才知是假象。总觉得自己被困在一个框框之中，很想逃脱，却又不知如何逃脱；很想放弃，却又没有勇气。或许我连自己想要什么都不知道才会迷失才会害怕吧。我真的梦想可以到外面的世界开拓自己的视野，放下我的心里包袱，勇敢跨出一步。现在我能做的是只有默默啃下这两年，然后再往外冲吗？好像除了酱，我也不知道该怎样。。
““我好想好想飞，逃离这个疯狂世界，那么多苦，那么多累，那么多莫名的泪水。。如果是你发现了我也别将我挽回。”五月天的歌总是那么贴心，这是为什么我那么爱他们。:)
姐姐的儿子藏了九个月终于来到了这个世界！人生中的美好莫过于如此。 我想他抱着的事对这个世界的好奇，我希望他可以征服这个疯狂世界，活出自己的人生！加油吧，承勋！小姨也会加油的！我想.....怎么办？好像开始想家了。
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| 承勋，美好人生等着你！勇敢的男儿，小姨等着你长大！：） |
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
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